The Suspense is... Exhausting

So tomorrow's the big day. I'm sitting here freaking myself out by googling forums on gallbladder surgery. Maybe not my best idea... What else was maybe not a good idea? Getting my tattoo touched up tonight. I ran it by my surgeon and he said it'd be fine, but a tat retouch is never fun... Especially when the tat is on your foot.

My nerves are starting to wear on me... Maybe this means I actually have a chance of sleeping well tonight.

Oops! I Did It Again

So this weekend proved to be no different than the past three weekends. ...These gallstone attacks' precision in timing is somewhat unsettling. Like I have something to look forward to in the coming weekend.

.........Matt and I both worked on Saturday, so we decided to have dinner out. We chose Mongolian because my diet is VERY limited, but does allow for meat and veggies. On the way home from dinner the chest and back pain set in within five minutes and only proceeded to get worse. I was literally yelling. Like in the movies - you know how people yell when they're in pain? Well, that person has never been me, but before I knew it I couldn't exhale with leaving Matt's ears ringing.

Luckily we were about five minutes away from the hospital (which was still not fast enough). I, of course, chose the perfect time to need an ER, due to the fact that it was 8pm on a Saturday night. So having toned down the wailing as much as I could, Matt grabbed me a wheel chair and, at my request, wheeled me into a corner. ...I didn't want people staring at me. And if they were, I didn't want to know. After about 30 minutes, my name was FINALLY called. And after the relief of a little dilaudid, and an hour of waiting, they came back to tell me my vitals and labs were the same as the weekend prior. Nothing's changed. The pain is just progressively getting worse.

They also informed me that Mongolian is one of the worst things I could have done for myself. Just because I don't put cooking oil on the meat and veggies before it gets cooked doesn't mean they don't. So I pretty much set myself up for disaster, being that oil is about as fatty a food you can digest.

Presently, I am sitting on my recliner. After a full day of sleeping yesterday, I attempted work and got thru about five hours today. I only lasted that long thanks to the Vicodin. ...As soon as it started to wear off, I stopped dead in my tracks.

On the ride home, I called the surgeon's office to see if I could maybe move my surgery date up. Still waiting to hear back. I don't know how the next two weeks are going to pan out. One thing's for sure - I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

TINT!

Since we got the new truck, we decided that the Saab needed a little attention too.

I've been wanting to tint the windows since I got the car (4ish years ago). Not sure what took me so long, but it's finally done!! Matt took her in yesterday and got her all fixed up!

The front windows are a little dark... So we'll see how long Roseville PD will allow it to last.

She was pretty before, but it seriously looks like a brand new car!! Prettttty exciting!

Just so you know...

In reference to the upcoming organ removal, my "Mamacita" is talking about flying up to stay the week with me while I'm recovering. We're separated by roughly 400 miles.

...I'm not quite sure I've ever put into words (at least not here) exactly what it is that makes our relationship great. She is the first person I dial when I need to talk and I can be as boring or upset or hysterical as I need to be, and she'll never allow me to feel like it's a burden.

She loves me... Despite knowing me inside and out.

And you could say it's a mom's job to love their child no matter what. But not every daughter gets to say that her mom is her best friend.

And phone calls and emails may be what we have to settle for when it comes to staying in touch.

But she is always with me.

Out Like a Light

So when it all started, it was heartburn. I honestly could not foresee actually LOSING AN ORGAN.

I had my surgical consult on Wednesday. And my pretty, young surgeon seems confident. Which is comforting. What was not so comforting was when he started to explain to me the laundry list of things that could go wrong, where all of the "if this happens" ended in "we'll have to open you up". Lovely.

The surgery will be laparoscopic, and yes, they're taking out the WHOLE THING. My gallbladder is "diseased" after all. And if everything goes as planned, I should end up with four small abdominal incisions.

I've really never been through a surgery before. ...I mean yes, there was the whole wisdom teeth thing that was not so pleasant. But this is a bona fide, knife-to-the-skin, out-like-a-light surgery with some young dude man-handling my insides. Needless to say, I am experiencing some slight anxiety.

The surgery is about two weeks away, and in the meantime I've been attempting to stick to the advised fat-free diet. (The gallbladder processes/breaks down fat, so eating yummy, fatty food makes the gallbladder work /contract, which in turn, causes me to curl up in the fetal position and whince at every breath). ...There are the off-limits foods that I could list, but I don't have the time. Instead, I'll list what is said to be ok: Chicken and rice. And salad....... Did you expect more? Yeah, me too. ...And I am advised to continue this diet temporarily after surgery. So at the very least, I can expect a to drop a little weight. .........Hey! THERE'S the bright side! (I was looking for the damn thing.)

Matt's staying home with me for the first four days after surgery. Hopefully this whole fiasco will prove my theory of being a slow-healer wrong. I swear! A bruise lasts at least two weeks (only after changing all sorts of pretty greens and yellows). And as tough as I'd like to think I am... I am fully and totally 100% nervous.

And you can't tell me I'm blowing a "routine surgery" out of proportion, because if you know me at all, you'll know that, to me, "proportions" are a foreign concept.

Climbing Tiers

So I finally reached a milestone at work... If you're just tuning in, I am an Enrollment Recruiter for a vocational college. I work against with 15 other Representatives, each on their own mission of hunting down potential students and convincing them that school is the answer to all of life's problems.

For incentive, Management set up a tier system, where the top producers get the best leads (ie phone-ins, walk-ins). The tiers change weekly and contain 4-5 reps. The other 11 get dealt the fake-name-and-number leads. And there is no shortage of those.

So, I hit Tier One last week!... Even I was surprised. I came in, sat at my desk, opened my email and found myself saying out loud "Wow! I'm on Tier 1!", which won me one reluctant "congrats". ...I really shouldn't have been surprised, having enrolled two students the week prior... But I'm new to this whole game. I don't really know how to keep score yet.

...The entire week was a windfall! I scheduled so many solid appointments, it was ridiculous.

Before I was indifferent about tiers, but I'll be damned if I don't get back up to the first tier again. Life is so much easier on top!

Health and Wellness

So I haven't had any sort of chest-clenching episodes since Friday. I did, however, schedule my surgical consult for this coming Wednesday. To be continued...

Not exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend...

To get you up to speed... For the last few weeks, I've been intermittently getting these chest pains that would wake me up, and KEEP me up at night. It centered in my chest and would emanate to my back, between my shoulder blades.

So I wasted no time and saw a doctor as soon as the fourth attack happened. He did an EKG to make sure my heart was ok. And it was. Then he sent me home with some extra-strength antacid, to be taken once daily. ...Only, a week later, another attack hit...

The night before last, at 4am, I drove myself to the ER. In my state of panic, all I could think of was how Matt had to work in a few hours and I really didn't want to wake him! Once I was admitted, there was another EKG, but this time I was shaking so much that she couldn't get a good reading. Then it was on to x-rays and an ultrasound of my abdomen. When they wheeled me back to my little curtain-divided room, Matt was sitting there. It was only after all of this that I got something for the pain.

Matt wasn't stoked I didn't wake him up so he could take me. I really don't know what goes through my head sometimes. Being that my main concern is to NOT be a burden. .....But even to my husband? I was obviously not thinking straight.

After spending close to 6 hours in a gurney, the prognosis was: Gallstones. The doc gave me a referral for a surgeon, some pain pills and a list of food I'm not allowed to eat. A long and thorough list.

So the last day and a half I've basically walked the line between sleep and sleepwalking. My little episode couldn't have chosen a better time to present itself... So much for Easter.

We'll see how work goes tomorrow...

Putting it to Bed

Some things are just hard to let go of. Like deeply ingrained ideas or preconceived notions. We go against our better judgment to indulge in the comfort of trusting in certain ideals. ...But at what point does this trust incite vulnerability?

I look for the best in people. And I forgive mistakes. And I open myself up with the trust that those around me want nothing but the best for me too. ...And I'm let down. Often.

Aside from my unhealthy, yet perpetual fairy-tale-outlook on life, there comes a point when enough is enough. There's only so much patience and belief and energy and worry and forgiveness to go around. Life's too short...

"...only crazy people..."

Astrology somehow made its way into the conversation tonight. So I pulled up Matt's sign (Libra), and read him the description. ...Despite being the consummate skeptic, he actually admitted it was a decent match.

So I pulled mine up (Sagittarius) next, and Matt asks, "Don't you think if someone just mixed all the descriptions up that people would still find something to identify with? You actually think there are specific traits?"

"Yes! It's ancient tradition. It has to have some merit."

"So. You're saying you can plan how your kids will turn out?"

"Sure. ........I've actually thought about that."

"REALLY? ...Are you being serious?"

"Yeah! I don't want to have a Gemini for a daughter and, like, never get along with her."

"I was expecting you to say only crazy people think about things like that."

For the Sake of Sanity

I'm home today, and today being Thursday, this means that I am not at work. I really didn't have any intention of staying home the same day Matt had off work. Funny how some things just so happen work out.

I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. One of my students cancelled their enrollment. (Kind of a big deal)... And the two that I interviewed didn't seem to have any intentions of any actual follow through. I was batting a thousand. ...That's when the headache set in.

I went home an hour early and on my way home decided that I was over it. Making phone calls with throbbing temples today was not my idea of a good time. That and the 5-hour long meeting scheduled made my decision to call in today pretty easy.

So what are my plans, you ask? LAUNDRY. And tv. And maybe some napping. With the bonus of my husband's company. It's almost as if yesterday never happened.

...almost.