A Fond Farewell

Tonight was my last appointment with my guru.

That's right! Color me functional! ....On paper, at least....

This has actually been in the works for about 2 months now. Last month, by chance, I had to cancel two appointments in a row, which gave me three weeks to further consider what I had already been thinking about... I've been with my guru for close to two years now and there was a point in time when his services were duly needed... When missing just one appointment threw my entire world off its axis. But it occurred to me that I was going into his office weekly with pretty much the same handful of issues, just in rotating order... Even though he'd give me the tools to deal with these problems, I had such a crutch in our weekly meetings, that I would just wait to discuss any issues I had until the appointment rolled around. Maybe it took me close to two years, but I finally recognized the repetition I had been putting this guy through! Same problems, just different instances. Same head banging into the same wall.

So that little three week hiatus really gave me the confidence to let him know what was on my mind. ...He was completely supportive. Congratulated me, even. He gave me some advice based on a Freudian theory: That it is generally time to end treatment when therapy becomes "nice to have" and not "necessary". Which, for me was exactly the case. I had already heard all he had to tell... It was just time to start applying this knowledge on my own. So we set up another appointment a month from that day, which brings us to the present. And in the past four weeks, with life dishing a fair share of crap at me, I surprised myself with my resilience... I knew going in there tonight that this would be my last appointment.

Now in the past, my guru has always made it a point to ask about my family and about Matt. "How's Matt's work?" ...And in the past I've mentioned some things that were causing him stress. Management. Lack of structure. No follow through. But it wasn't until tonight that I actually mentioned Matt's manager by name. Do you see where this is headed?

While discussing Matt's work in the past, my guru mentioned having a friend that happened to work at the same company as Matt. It was only after calling Matt's boss a "putz" for his lack of a spine that I let Bob's name slip. (We'll call Matt's boss "Bob" for obvious reasons). This caught my guru's attention: "Bob, huh? Do you know Bob's last name?", I didn't. I asked "Do you know what city is your friend works in?", he didn't. He then mentioned the last name that rang a millions bells in my head. This guy KNOWS Matt's boss! This guy knows, and I just called his friend a putz! Yeeeah.

Now, I didn't exactly concede the fact that Bob's name did jog my memory, and that the "people" we had been talking about weren't actually "people", but one person. I figured I had done enough damage. I'm just lucky that patient confidentiality will never let my little slip up leave those four walls... Because if it ever does - we are so retiring.

PS Headed off to a week in Mexico on Sunday! I mention this to give me some sense of obligation to tell you about it when I return. Adios!!