All the pretty colors

So there's an answer to "Why Me?" after all...

I've been on the same birth control for years now, with the exception of a few short stints and efforts at different brands. I realize this intro could mark the beginning of a very personal post, but allow me assure you, the fact that I'm on birth control is about as intimate as this post will get.

Yaz has caught a lot of media scrutiny regarding its marketing tactics, but it wasn't until recently that I learned Yaz is very closely affiliated with blood clots, heart attack, stroke, and GALLBLADDER DAMAGE RESULTING IN SURGICAL REMOVAL.

I, of course, learned of these symptoms on a commercial advertising a massive class action lawsuit. And me, being someone that would never pass up the opportunity to be a beneficiary of the legal system, dialed the 800 number.

There's really not much to tell at this point, other than the fact that I'm officially a qualified claimant. They said they are only in the preliminary stages and are still collecting claimants, so it may be years. But if I can get my hands on any money to make up the $2k in out-of-pocket medical expenses and the three weeks that I ended up having to take off work, it will be well worth the wait.

A Fond Farewell

Tonight was my last appointment with my guru.

That's right! Color me functional! ....On paper, at least....

This has actually been in the works for about 2 months now. Last month, by chance, I had to cancel two appointments in a row, which gave me three weeks to further consider what I had already been thinking about... I've been with my guru for close to two years now and there was a point in time when his services were duly needed... When missing just one appointment threw my entire world off its axis. But it occurred to me that I was going into his office weekly with pretty much the same handful of issues, just in rotating order... Even though he'd give me the tools to deal with these problems, I had such a crutch in our weekly meetings, that I would just wait to discuss any issues I had until the appointment rolled around. Maybe it took me close to two years, but I finally recognized the repetition I had been putting this guy through! Same problems, just different instances. Same head banging into the same wall.

So that little three week hiatus really gave me the confidence to let him know what was on my mind. ...He was completely supportive. Congratulated me, even. He gave me some advice based on a Freudian theory: That it is generally time to end treatment when therapy becomes "nice to have" and not "necessary". Which, for me was exactly the case. I had already heard all he had to tell... It was just time to start applying this knowledge on my own. So we set up another appointment a month from that day, which brings us to the present. And in the past four weeks, with life dishing a fair share of crap at me, I surprised myself with my resilience... I knew going in there tonight that this would be my last appointment.

Now in the past, my guru has always made it a point to ask about my family and about Matt. "How's Matt's work?" ...And in the past I've mentioned some things that were causing him stress. Management. Lack of structure. No follow through. But it wasn't until tonight that I actually mentioned Matt's manager by name. Do you see where this is headed?

While discussing Matt's work in the past, my guru mentioned having a friend that happened to work at the same company as Matt. It was only after calling Matt's boss a "putz" for his lack of a spine that I let Bob's name slip. (We'll call Matt's boss "Bob" for obvious reasons). This caught my guru's attention: "Bob, huh? Do you know Bob's last name?", I didn't. I asked "Do you know what city is your friend works in?", he didn't. He then mentioned the last name that rang a millions bells in my head. This guy KNOWS Matt's boss! This guy knows, and I just called his friend a putz! Yeeeah.

Now, I didn't exactly concede the fact that Bob's name did jog my memory, and that the "people" we had been talking about weren't actually "people", but one person. I figured I had done enough damage. I'm just lucky that patient confidentiality will never let my little slip up leave those four walls... Because if it ever does - we are so retiring.

PS Headed off to a week in Mexico on Sunday! I mention this to give me some sense of obligation to tell you about it when I return. Adios!!

Courage is....

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

~ Ambrose Redmoon

Getting involved

We've been in our house for coming up on two years now. And for two years, there's been an 8-acre lot of dirt right as you turn into our development... What is to be our future neighborhood park.

A few weeks back we were made aware that the Parks and Recreation had come up with development plan that included two soccer fields... and little else. We were encouraged by one resident leading the cause, to write in and express our distaste for having two soccer fields right around the corner. There's (what?) 20 kids on a soccer field at any given point. Times two. Plus parents. Did I mention they didn't plan for parking?

Junction Park Plans: Before

So I wrote in, saying how I thought two soccer fields was excessive, and it seemed as though they were trying to make a sports complex out of our neighborhood park. I wrote how we were told by the builder that this would be a "neighborhood park", and we bought with that expectation. I wrote how our expectations also consisted of this neighborhood staying a quiet, low-traffic area and how I believed this park would be designed for local residents, but it was instead designed for the City to have another venue for sports leagues. Where is open irrigated space? Why isn't there space provided for other activities besides soccer? Why do we need TWO soccer fields?

Just last week Matt and I attended a "workshop" put on by the City, along with the rest of our neighborhood. And after hearing our concerns, they presented us with a newly devised plan for Junction Park:

Junction Park Plans: After

Check us out! We have bocce ball and open fields and a sand volley ball court and a covered picnic area and a bathroom... But most importantly, we have only ONE soccer field!

I am 100% satisfied with the new design. Visions of us and our kids playing here in a few years seems so much more realistic now that the planning has been revised to be more neighborhood-friendly.

They've already broke ground on the project... I'm just wondering how long it will take for that dirt lot to turn into this beautiful park!!

Something to like about work

So on a more positive note... I've been kicking ass and taking names at work. (In between calling my boss out on skewed lead distribution. But I suppose that's a whole other post.)

You may remember me mentioning the tier system... If you you make it to the top four (or more depending on if you tie), you can trust that you'll be receiving the best leads. If you're the other 13 reps that aren't on tier, then you're scraping the bottom of the barrel and can count on making at least 80 phone calls a day, every day. Don't get me wrong, there are ways to climb: Skill, luck, how well you're in with the boss, etc.... But it ain't easy.

...And by now, you probably know where I'm going with this, but I have finally/actually become a fixture on Tier 1!! ...So this is what they mean by "building your pipeline". Life is so much easier on top!

What's more... Every quarter, management hands out awards. There's an award for the top rep for every month of the quarter, a "Rep of the Quarter", one for most referrals generated, and one for "Most Improved Rep". Keep in mind this is the quarter that I was busy losing an organ and being dead to the world.

So the "Most Improved Rep" award is voted on by your peers, and before presenting it, they read off direct quotes of what others had to say about you. Well I'm stoked to announce that I took it home! And I have to say, nothing is better than receiving an award your peers voted for.

...Except maybe receiving two!

To my shock, my name was actually called for "Rep of the Month" for June! They were rattling off statistics and I was honestly not paying very much attention because I thought I didn't stand a chance...

It's awesome to be recognized for working hard. This job is like a game to me... It's all about the numbers. And when I started I wasn't even sure if I could hack it... But it's challenging, and I love that.

...I also love making the 10 and 3-year veterans sweat.

They weren't kidding when they said it's not fair

And it just keeps coming...

Our ex-landlord, against whom we won a legal judgment, filed for bankruptcy and purposefully didn't list us a creditors. It wasn't until last week, when we found the house we placed a lien on was for sale, that Matt got in touch with the title company was told Batshit was "in talks" with a bankruptcy lawyer. ...Well of course, after a lot of digging, and because bankruptcy documents are open to the general public, we found that she did indeed get discharged from her bankruptcy - last December.

This is where it gets complicated.

We didn't file the lien until January and by law, creditors are not allowed to approach or contact the debtor, let alone put liens on their property, during or after bankruptcy proceedings. Oops. ...But the fact is, we weren't listed as a creditor. We weren't notified... We weren't given our moment in court to convince the judge of why this should not be dismissed like every other creditor had the opportunity to do.

So we stressed and went back and forth about whether we should remove the lien. We were scared that if given any cause, Batshit would file a claim against us. But when Matt arrived at the courthouse to submit the lien removal paperwork, he was informed that if we lift the lien, we are basically exonerating her from any debt owed to us. (Enter the sound of squealing tires).

Come to find out, (but only after more stressing) we are in fact NOT liable for the lien if we weren't informed. Period.

So now we're left with three possibilities:
1) That our judgment stands and we will receive its payment in full by the time escrow closes on her short-sale.
2) That even if we weren't listed as creditors, her debt to us is completely zeroed out and we are responsible for removing the lien.
3) Last, and my favorite second only to actually getting paid, is... That our debt is still zeroed out, but because we weren't aware of the bankruptcy, it is Batshit's responsibility to get the lien removed. ...I'm told it's not cheap.

(I suppose the fourth would be her filing a law suit just because she really is batshit and will take any opportunity to piss us off........)


So in sum, Kids... What have we learned here today?
1) Crazy-ass, legitimately evil people are not just made up in movies.
2) Even if you go through all the trouble to get what's rightfully yours doesn't mean that it will actually become yours again.
3) And last, to check and check again on a party you're considering doing business with. Check their background, check their history, and above all, check their sanity.

Immersing myself...

...in none other than Mad Men: Season 2! (Now out on Netflix...)

That's right, I've been spending hours of shameless time in front of the idiot-box. It's just that good.

And to live...

Rancid & Rise Against

We went and saw Rancid & Rise Against in Oakland on Thursday. Seeing Rancid live only made me a bigger fan... And as much as I like Rise Against, Rancid's opening set stole the show.

RANCID

RISE AGAINST

Show Me a Little Shame

So when it comes to neighbors that are courteous and personable, I really can't complain. But when it comes to neighbors that actually care about what their yards look like, or understand the concept of pride in ownership, we really drew the short straw.

We are literally surrounded. On both sides, they have allowed weeds in their front yards to grow... to... well, my estimation (without exaggeration) would be... 5 feet high. The neighbor on the left's lawn is on the verge of dead, and we're lucky if the neighbor to the right mows his lawn once a month.

That doesn't even start to explain the backyard. In fact, I was sure I couldn't put it into words, so I went ahead and took some photos... From my backyard, of course:

Neighbor-to-the-Left

Neighbor-to-the-Right

No, those aren't small trees. In fact NTTL's weeds are TALLER than his tree. Now that is a feet within itself. We have their weeds starting to creep under our fence. Matt went through and sprayed weed killer to stop the invasion.

And you would think this was enough. You might think this is where the neighbor-bashing ends... But this is truly a sight I couldn't pass up. Just recently, Neighbor-to-the-Left hung what looks like coat hangers drilled into a wooden spoon. It is literally taped to the side of his house, in front, for the world to see.

Is it for a tv? Is he contacting the mother ship? This looks like a 3rd grade science project gone wrong!

Who does this?

Radio Flyer

I surprised Matt with a radio-controlled airplane for our 2-year anniversary... I like to buy him things he'd never buy himself. And it's not something he's necessarily ever asked for... But I knew he'd have fun with it. Here he is on his first real attempt. I thought his biggest obstacle would be the ground, but surprisingly, it ended up being light posts... (He dodged every one by the way!!)

My how it flies...

I have never seen a summer move so quickly. I mean, is it really almost July?

Fiona, one of the trees in our front yard, JUST started showing her trademark pink signs of summer. So I'm thinking that it's not so much that summer is moving quickly... It's that it just got a late start. And that means it'll have a late end.

Yes - I actually derive comfort in conceptualizing and blogging about this.

Is this for real?

So I got some pretty incredible news the other night. The type of news that I never in my life expected to hear...

My father started as the Executive Director of a Chapman University College in Victor Valley not too long ago. He's been in the school business for roughly 25 years, so after dabbling in mortgage for a bit, it was nice to see him get back to his roots. What was even more nice was seeing how happy it's made him. I'm not sure I've (ever?) heard him use the word "love" and "work" in the same sentence, but he is absolutely ecstatic about his school and his staff and basically everything! ...I couldn't be happier for or prouder of him.

Working for a college myself, I realized there was likely a discounted tuition rate for family members. At my college the discount is 80%. Sounds like a lot, until you hear the full tuition amount. (Trust me).

Well, come to find out - at my father's college, for family members - it's FREE. .......(After I typed that, I had to sit here and stare at the sentence. I'm still in disbelief).

They're in the process of rolling out their MBA program and just so happen to have a campus in Roseville. I'll be eligible to start in August... Higher education, here I come!

How did I get so lucky??

Perhaps before it's too late for you...

I was graced with a cell phone ticket the other day.

I started out with the greatest of intentions. I do own a bluetooth ear thing, and used it all the time. At first. But it was always so easy to forget when I needed to bring it in to charge. So then I just started using my speakerphone and holding it against the wheel while I drove. Well, the one person who I talk on the phone with most, Matt, always said I was mumbling when I did that.

So I finally just gave up and with my new window tint, I felt even more stealth than ever. ...Now the question might come to mind: If my windows are tinted, how did I manage to get caught?

Believe it or not, the moto-cop saw me through the windshield! I was turning right, and there he was on the corner, parked at a gas station... And our eyes met, and I said "Oh shit mom, I got to go. I'm about to get a ticket for being on my cell phone. And probably for my tinted windows." And she said, "Oh. Ok, Dear. Call me back."

He was nice enough. Straight to the point. I thought it was strange that he asked if it was my car. He probably thought it was strange to find a white girl rolling around in gangsta tint.

Anyhow, it was a $20-cell phone ticket. No biggie, right?

Allow me to clear up a common misconception for you.

Although I think allowing the government, or any entity for that matter, to increase the principle of your debt by 590% in fines alone should be outlawed... As we all know it is very legal and living and well in California... Here is the riveting breakdown:

Violation: VC 23123(A) Drive using wireless phone not hands free, First offense
Base Fine: $20
Penalty Assessment: $44
State Court Facilities Construction (ICNA): $4
Night Court Fee: $1
DMV Fee: $10
20% Criminal Surcharge: $4
Criminal Conviction Assessment: $25
Court Security Fee: $20
Total Fine Due: $138

That's a pretty expensive $20 ticket if you ask me. Let this be your warning.

But please don't wear those earpieces around like it's your newest accessory. Honestly, people...

I have...

...not forgotten about my blog. I've just been on a mental vacation is all.

Sure, there's lots to blog about. For instance - my boss has given up the Eddie Haskell act (as we all knew he would). And I've applied for another position within the organization, which I believe I haven't got a chance for. And my 2nd wedding anniversary has come and gone (on the 9th), and Matt sent 12 gorgeous roses to my work, but I didn't get them home in time to get a good picture for you. Also, I've touched base with an old friend. Not just any old friend, but a friend who was like a sister to me, and who I've missed every single day since I wrote the letter that caused us to stop talking in the first place. I was lucky enough to have not only recovered that friendship, but to have discovered its true meaning and to have witnessed its forgiving endurance.

And then there's all that lies in between. But I think I'll spare you the details, and spare myself the work.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

BATDOG!

San Francisco....

Own Yourself

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(Art by Suleiman Mansour)

Plight of an Idealist

I had a very interesting day today because the things I thought were buried and gone are very alive and kicking.

I had a meeting with my manager to talk about my quarterly start goals. Or, in other words, how many students I can con into paying outrageous tuition fees... (I'm not saying that the high tuition fees aren't warranted, I'm just saying that they aren't that warranted.)

Anyway, come to find out, despite the fact that I was on leave for 13 days (not including 5 sick days leading up to surgery), my start goals weren't going to be changing. ...Yep, what was required of me then is still required of me now - just with 3 less weeks to complete it in. And the kicker: If I would have been gone for 14 consecutive days, it would be an entirely different story. An entirely BIG difference in story.

In this unjust situation meeting, as compared to the last, my manager had the intelligence to pull out the policy book. What he did not have the intelligence for was attempting to compare the last situation with the present.

So the first time he brought it up - I rebuffed... It's water under the bridge at this point, no?

...No.

So he brought it up a second time, "This situation is not unlike the last where I was required to inform you of company policy".

What I can recall saying:

"Well, actually it is. Because the last time you pulled me into your office to inform me of company policy, you made me cry. And then while I was crying, you continued to drill in the fact that the company would be taking 4 of my 12 total days off for the year because I was having surgery. You didn't pull out a rule book and you decided to present company policy while there was a lobby full of people waiting to be met a with smiling face.

"You and I both know I was the one to say something. ...What I had to say had nothing to do with you as a person, but with the way your presented yourself as a manager. I did go to HR because of that day I cried in your office, but also because I found your management style to be forceful and overbearing and not constructive."

I really had to remind myself NOT to apologize. (It follows me around like a rain cloud, but for some reason I carry guilt even in situations where it doesn't and shouldn't apply.) ...I'm not sorry for calling HR and I'm not sorry he got called on all the corrupt antics he was pulling, but my brain would resort to apologizing anyway. Whether it be to avoid awkward silence, or because it would make the situation less volatile. ...But I have to say, and with MUCH pride, I held my ground and didn't say sorry once.

He, on the other hand, did apologize, surprisingly enough. And it seemed sincere. And that's all fine and great and hopefully he got what he wanted off his chest... But even after being the recipient of an apology from someone who likely is physically pained by it, I didn't walk away feeling good. A couple posts back, I wrote that to feel good about the situation, he'd need to be fired, but the truth is - none of this felt good. As nice as it was, the apology didn't change anything for me.

What would have made this situation feel good and feel okay, would be if it never happened at all. What would feel good is knowing and trusting that the people in authoritative positions are there because they are deserving of it. ...See title.

Ruins

It's Friday. And not just any Friday - it's the Friday kicking off a well-needed 3-day weekend.

I just found out yesterday that Matt's band - The Ruin - got the green light to play for KWOD 106.5's Sounds of Sac showcase in a few weeks!! It's held in Folsom and features a few local bands... Bands that might potentially get radio play if Hawk, the guy in charge, so chooses. They have been trying to get this show for MONTHS. ...Great news, right??

Well it was until we pulled up KWOD.net's site last night to check out the Sounds of Sac page and instead found a lengthy eulogy featuring none other than the only radio station in the Sacramento Area worth listening to.

I am seriously looking into HD radio now. Everything else (that's free) seems to be a waste of time or is completely annoying.

So what about The Ruin's show? ...We don't know yet. Hawk is now with the station that has taken over (an all-90's format... because that is going to be so much more compelling than a station dedicated to alternative music). So there is a possibility... Maybe even a probability. Fingers are crossed.

If the show is a go, this will be The Ruin's biggest venue to date. Maybe not in size, but definitely in exposure! ...Either way, any live show where I get to watch my husband be a rockstar for a couple of hours is alright with me.

THE RUIN

Photography by Charles Le

Center of Attention. Ick.

Quite the drama at work for the last week. As well as the week before, while I was gone. Little did I know, while I sat at home hopped up on pain pills, that the controversy circulating the office started with me.

Yes, yes. I was the meat of the conversation for at least a day (or five) while on leave. ...Not a place I like to find myself, mind you.

When I returned, I was relaxed and oblivious and ready to work. With a smile, even! But when I started to ask what I had missed, everyone seemed to have the same answer: "A lot" with no explanation.

Now, I should mention that in the midst of my request for a leave of absence, I was, of course, in touch with corporate HR. And when it came down to them asking why I wasn't asking my manager the questions I was asking them... the floodgates opened.

Without naming names (which they did ask me to do), I proceeded to spill what I had observed since I had been with the company. Things like how my boss plays favorites, and was once seen spending time with his most favorite in his car for ten minutes during work hours. Alone. ...I mentioned the "targets" of the office... The people toward whom my boss takes his asshole-dom to another level. And if you couldn't have guessed, these "targets" just so happen to be men. ...I spoke of the inconsistency in lead distribution, and how the front desk chick was ordered to forward every 6 out of 10 call-ins to - you guessed it - his most favorite. (Call-ins are like gold in my business.) ...I mentioned his undiagnosed bipolar disorder... How one minute he's walking around all smiles, throwing candy on peoples' desks and the next he's standing over some poor sap, UN-constructively critiquing them in one ear, while their other ear was to the phone, speaking with potential applicants. ...Overall, I let HR know that the reason I did not go to my boss to ask questions about my benefits is because I didn't feel like I could trust his answer. That man has no one's best interest in mind but his own.

The HR dude said that there were some things he would be needing to look into. That - I expected. What I didn't expect was for there to be a full-on investigation spearheaded by the Director of our branch. .....At least I didn't expect it so soon.

Apparently, while I was away, the Director pulled a number of reps and people from academics, from reception, from the registrar, as well as teaching faculty in and interviewed each of them.

I suppose I should feel lucky and maybe even vindicated... But I don't.

Lucky because I ended up having such an enormous amount of support. There wasn't one person who didn't back up my testimony. In fact, more corrupt events were disrobed (pardon the pun), such as late-night, closed office-door sessions with his favorite rep and numerous bootleg liquor transactions made in the parking lot with other reps.

And vindicated because the guy that I couldn't stop writing on my blog, complaining about has now been hit with a shit-storm. Courtesy of me.

But I'm not lucky that I was backed up. The writing was on the wall for this guy... And he lead such a intimidating operation, that no one was willing to step up and say something. All it took was one phone call, and every truth and every fact about his unethical actions emerged. Luck didn't place him in that car or buy those booz. He did it to himself. ...If I didn't have a case, this would have fallen away never even started.

And I'm not vindicated because although the boss man has emerged as a newer and nicer version of himself (temporarily, I'm sure), HE'S STILL EMPLOYED. Perhaps it's the pessimist in me, but I'm expecting his little Eddie Haskell act to end the moment the investigation does. He doesn't have it in him to keep this up forever. I know better.

And as for me? What have I been keeping myself busy with while the rep room sky is falling? Well, let's just say you've probably never seen me work so hard. I'm not stupid.

When I was covering my past week in drama with my guru a few days ago, he made a very interesting connection with situations such as this and me: that I refuse to be a victim. ...And I really can't argue.

Take my boss from a few years back... My exit interview wasn't in her favor. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Times ten. And I can't definitively prove that her termination 6 months later had anything to do with me... But one can speculate.

And take my ex-landlord aka FuckFace: She imposed on us probably the most stressful 4 months of our lives by trying to sell her house out from underneath our lease and allowing strangers in and out at any given point, whether we were home or not. To seal the deal, she kept not only the rent money for the month we moved out (despite the fact that we were out on the 7th), but she kept our entire security and pet deposit. ....It took us over a year, but we walked away from the court preceedings victorious. (And no, we still haven't seen a dime).

And now there's this guy.

You might think I have a problem with authority. ...That these crusades I embark on are just the workings of a disgruntled employee/tenant. But my problem is not with heirarchy so much as it is with corruption within the heirarchy.

It's those who believe they're above the law, or that take power trips so massive it makes my head spin. It's those who seek out management as a way to take out all the anger and agression they have built up from their childhood, where they were picked on and disrespected.

Well I have news for all these unecessarily rude and dispicable middle-managers: We were all picked on and disrespected. GET OVER IT.

It's not like it was elective...

So I can honestly say that I'm 99% back to my normal self! I still have the liquid bandages and my incisions haven't fully healed, but I'm no longer in constant pain! And considering the fact that I lost a digestive organ - my digestive tract seems to have recovered pretty quickly.

I finally get to enjoy the days I have off! The original plan was for me to head back to work today, but on Friday, I didn't feel well enough and called in sick.

I have yet to mention what was required from me at work to go on this lovely, little (involuntary) leave of absence: They forced me to exhaust all of my paid hours... Meaning they made me use ALL of the vacation time and sick time I had saved up. Company policy. Regardless of whether I was going to go on short-term disability or not. So I opted for disability... Which only starts a week after your first day off, just in case I wasn't feeling as well as I expected to.

So I'm back to zero in paid time off... And my boss was so kind to point out that the approved time off I had in October (for Matt and my belated 2nd Anniversary), wasn't necessarily approved any longer due to the lack of paid hours I will have accrued. Unpaid days off are apparently NOT allowed. ....Now, is it me? Or this policy not cut-throat? It's like they swindled me out of my vacation time so they can be sure not to lose the man hours. When I asked HR why I would be forced to give up vacation hours for an INVOLUNTARY surgery, she responded with, "If you didn't, you'd get more time off than your coworkers." ...."Well my coworkers get to keep all of their organs, don't they?!!"

Tangent.

My point is, now that I'm feeling a bit better... I may just take a day or two. Or three. After all, my doctor's note doesn't clear me until Friday. And I have some vacation time I'd like to swindle back.

Loved

Flowers always make me feel better...



(Thank You Mom!! And Thank You, Brown fam!!)

Playing Catch-Up

It's been exactly a week since my surgery. And really, a lots gone down since then. To catch you up...

My surgery was scheduled for 9am last Friday. They got me all ready, put the IV in my arm. But apparently the guy before me had the "Gallbladder from Hell" (no joke, that's what the nurse called it), and I didn't actually get wheeled into the OR until 2 hours later. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious.

Once the anesthesia wore off, I counted four small incisions on my belly. What they don't tell you is that when you wake up to from surgery, you can expect to have shoulder and neck pain due to the air they pump inside of you for room to operate. Let's just say, dilaudid was my friend.

In addition to dilaudid, they had given me two Norco pills, which are basically extra-strength Vicodin. ...And I knew in the past that Vicodin had a tendency to make me itch, but the only other option was Darvocet and Darvocet gives me really bad headaches. Itching or a massive headache? I chose the latter. ...I was already itching before I left the hospital and was given intraveneous Benadryl (that did absolutely nothing for me). When I got home, I was taking them every 4 hours on the hour and by 6pm my face was bright red from all of the scratching. After leaving the on-call doctor a message with no response, Matt drove me to Urgent Care. By then the itching had subsided a bit, in part because I was holding a wet washcloth to my face nonstop, but also because the medication was wearing off... Which meant the meds were wearing off. And there I was, 8 hours after surgery, walking around Walgreens, waiting for my new prescription to be filled. Can you tell I'm new at this?

So fast forward, past all the pain and laying in bed and eating as little as possible, and my mom was in town on Monday. She immediately started to grocery shop and cook. And clean. And do laundry. And I can never just take gifts gracefully... I always seem to find some kind of guilt to have over it. The truth was, I was in no position to be walking around... And though the pain killers led me to believe I was feeling better, the opposite would become very evident. I figured I would be up and about at least by Wednesday. And that's when the girl's week of shopping and lunch and salons would begin! But it seemed by 2pm every day, I just hit a wall. We did manage to fit lunch in on Thursday with Kristy, and before her flight today, I was able to treat her to a mani/pedi for Mother's Day. We now have a fridge FULL of delicious leftovers and some very neatly folded laundry.

In terms of people taking care of me, I feel like I had the A-Team, with a nice handoff by Matt to Mom on Monday when he picked her up, and Tuesday when he went back to work. A girl can only be so lucky.

And here I sit on my beloved recliner, feeling worlds better than I did a few days ago... But still with some more healing to go. My thought was that I'd be back to normal by now and head back to work on Monday... But it hasn't exactly worked out that way. Being on disability, I have the option of taking a few extra days off. And being that I can't sustain an 8-hour day of nothingness, I certainly couldn't sustain an 8-hour day of work.

Looks like it's just me and the soaps.

The Suspense is... Exhausting

So tomorrow's the big day. I'm sitting here freaking myself out by googling forums on gallbladder surgery. Maybe not my best idea... What else was maybe not a good idea? Getting my tattoo touched up tonight. I ran it by my surgeon and he said it'd be fine, but a tat retouch is never fun... Especially when the tat is on your foot.

My nerves are starting to wear on me... Maybe this means I actually have a chance of sleeping well tonight.

Oops! I Did It Again

So this weekend proved to be no different than the past three weekends. ...These gallstone attacks' precision in timing is somewhat unsettling. Like I have something to look forward to in the coming weekend.

.........Matt and I both worked on Saturday, so we decided to have dinner out. We chose Mongolian because my diet is VERY limited, but does allow for meat and veggies. On the way home from dinner the chest and back pain set in within five minutes and only proceeded to get worse. I was literally yelling. Like in the movies - you know how people yell when they're in pain? Well, that person has never been me, but before I knew it I couldn't exhale with leaving Matt's ears ringing.

Luckily we were about five minutes away from the hospital (which was still not fast enough). I, of course, chose the perfect time to need an ER, due to the fact that it was 8pm on a Saturday night. So having toned down the wailing as much as I could, Matt grabbed me a wheel chair and, at my request, wheeled me into a corner. ...I didn't want people staring at me. And if they were, I didn't want to know. After about 30 minutes, my name was FINALLY called. And after the relief of a little dilaudid, and an hour of waiting, they came back to tell me my vitals and labs were the same as the weekend prior. Nothing's changed. The pain is just progressively getting worse.

They also informed me that Mongolian is one of the worst things I could have done for myself. Just because I don't put cooking oil on the meat and veggies before it gets cooked doesn't mean they don't. So I pretty much set myself up for disaster, being that oil is about as fatty a food you can digest.

Presently, I am sitting on my recliner. After a full day of sleeping yesterday, I attempted work and got thru about five hours today. I only lasted that long thanks to the Vicodin. ...As soon as it started to wear off, I stopped dead in my tracks.

On the ride home, I called the surgeon's office to see if I could maybe move my surgery date up. Still waiting to hear back. I don't know how the next two weeks are going to pan out. One thing's for sure - I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

TINT!

Since we got the new truck, we decided that the Saab needed a little attention too.

I've been wanting to tint the windows since I got the car (4ish years ago). Not sure what took me so long, but it's finally done!! Matt took her in yesterday and got her all fixed up!

The front windows are a little dark... So we'll see how long Roseville PD will allow it to last.

She was pretty before, but it seriously looks like a brand new car!! Prettttty exciting!

Just so you know...

In reference to the upcoming organ removal, my "Mamacita" is talking about flying up to stay the week with me while I'm recovering. We're separated by roughly 400 miles.

...I'm not quite sure I've ever put into words (at least not here) exactly what it is that makes our relationship great. She is the first person I dial when I need to talk and I can be as boring or upset or hysterical as I need to be, and she'll never allow me to feel like it's a burden.

She loves me... Despite knowing me inside and out.

And you could say it's a mom's job to love their child no matter what. But not every daughter gets to say that her mom is her best friend.

And phone calls and emails may be what we have to settle for when it comes to staying in touch.

But she is always with me.

Out Like a Light

So when it all started, it was heartburn. I honestly could not foresee actually LOSING AN ORGAN.

I had my surgical consult on Wednesday. And my pretty, young surgeon seems confident. Which is comforting. What was not so comforting was when he started to explain to me the laundry list of things that could go wrong, where all of the "if this happens" ended in "we'll have to open you up". Lovely.

The surgery will be laparoscopic, and yes, they're taking out the WHOLE THING. My gallbladder is "diseased" after all. And if everything goes as planned, I should end up with four small abdominal incisions.

I've really never been through a surgery before. ...I mean yes, there was the whole wisdom teeth thing that was not so pleasant. But this is a bona fide, knife-to-the-skin, out-like-a-light surgery with some young dude man-handling my insides. Needless to say, I am experiencing some slight anxiety.

The surgery is about two weeks away, and in the meantime I've been attempting to stick to the advised fat-free diet. (The gallbladder processes/breaks down fat, so eating yummy, fatty food makes the gallbladder work /contract, which in turn, causes me to curl up in the fetal position and whince at every breath). ...There are the off-limits foods that I could list, but I don't have the time. Instead, I'll list what is said to be ok: Chicken and rice. And salad....... Did you expect more? Yeah, me too. ...And I am advised to continue this diet temporarily after surgery. So at the very least, I can expect a to drop a little weight. .........Hey! THERE'S the bright side! (I was looking for the damn thing.)

Matt's staying home with me for the first four days after surgery. Hopefully this whole fiasco will prove my theory of being a slow-healer wrong. I swear! A bruise lasts at least two weeks (only after changing all sorts of pretty greens and yellows). And as tough as I'd like to think I am... I am fully and totally 100% nervous.

And you can't tell me I'm blowing a "routine surgery" out of proportion, because if you know me at all, you'll know that, to me, "proportions" are a foreign concept.

Climbing Tiers

So I finally reached a milestone at work... If you're just tuning in, I am an Enrollment Recruiter for a vocational college. I work against with 15 other Representatives, each on their own mission of hunting down potential students and convincing them that school is the answer to all of life's problems.

For incentive, Management set up a tier system, where the top producers get the best leads (ie phone-ins, walk-ins). The tiers change weekly and contain 4-5 reps. The other 11 get dealt the fake-name-and-number leads. And there is no shortage of those.

So, I hit Tier One last week!... Even I was surprised. I came in, sat at my desk, opened my email and found myself saying out loud "Wow! I'm on Tier 1!", which won me one reluctant "congrats". ...I really shouldn't have been surprised, having enrolled two students the week prior... But I'm new to this whole game. I don't really know how to keep score yet.

...The entire week was a windfall! I scheduled so many solid appointments, it was ridiculous.

Before I was indifferent about tiers, but I'll be damned if I don't get back up to the first tier again. Life is so much easier on top!

Health and Wellness

So I haven't had any sort of chest-clenching episodes since Friday. I did, however, schedule my surgical consult for this coming Wednesday. To be continued...

Not exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend...

To get you up to speed... For the last few weeks, I've been intermittently getting these chest pains that would wake me up, and KEEP me up at night. It centered in my chest and would emanate to my back, between my shoulder blades.

So I wasted no time and saw a doctor as soon as the fourth attack happened. He did an EKG to make sure my heart was ok. And it was. Then he sent me home with some extra-strength antacid, to be taken once daily. ...Only, a week later, another attack hit...

The night before last, at 4am, I drove myself to the ER. In my state of panic, all I could think of was how Matt had to work in a few hours and I really didn't want to wake him! Once I was admitted, there was another EKG, but this time I was shaking so much that she couldn't get a good reading. Then it was on to x-rays and an ultrasound of my abdomen. When they wheeled me back to my little curtain-divided room, Matt was sitting there. It was only after all of this that I got something for the pain.

Matt wasn't stoked I didn't wake him up so he could take me. I really don't know what goes through my head sometimes. Being that my main concern is to NOT be a burden. .....But even to my husband? I was obviously not thinking straight.

After spending close to 6 hours in a gurney, the prognosis was: Gallstones. The doc gave me a referral for a surgeon, some pain pills and a list of food I'm not allowed to eat. A long and thorough list.

So the last day and a half I've basically walked the line between sleep and sleepwalking. My little episode couldn't have chosen a better time to present itself... So much for Easter.

We'll see how work goes tomorrow...

Putting it to Bed

Some things are just hard to let go of. Like deeply ingrained ideas or preconceived notions. We go against our better judgment to indulge in the comfort of trusting in certain ideals. ...But at what point does this trust incite vulnerability?

I look for the best in people. And I forgive mistakes. And I open myself up with the trust that those around me want nothing but the best for me too. ...And I'm let down. Often.

Aside from my unhealthy, yet perpetual fairy-tale-outlook on life, there comes a point when enough is enough. There's only so much patience and belief and energy and worry and forgiveness to go around. Life's too short...

"...only crazy people..."

Astrology somehow made its way into the conversation tonight. So I pulled up Matt's sign (Libra), and read him the description. ...Despite being the consummate skeptic, he actually admitted it was a decent match.

So I pulled mine up (Sagittarius) next, and Matt asks, "Don't you think if someone just mixed all the descriptions up that people would still find something to identify with? You actually think there are specific traits?"

"Yes! It's ancient tradition. It has to have some merit."

"So. You're saying you can plan how your kids will turn out?"

"Sure. ........I've actually thought about that."

"REALLY? ...Are you being serious?"

"Yeah! I don't want to have a Gemini for a daughter and, like, never get along with her."

"I was expecting you to say only crazy people think about things like that."

For the Sake of Sanity

I'm home today, and today being Thursday, this means that I am not at work. I really didn't have any intention of staying home the same day Matt had off work. Funny how some things just so happen work out.

I had a bit of a rough day yesterday. One of my students cancelled their enrollment. (Kind of a big deal)... And the two that I interviewed didn't seem to have any intentions of any actual follow through. I was batting a thousand. ...That's when the headache set in.

I went home an hour early and on my way home decided that I was over it. Making phone calls with throbbing temples today was not my idea of a good time. That and the 5-hour long meeting scheduled made my decision to call in today pretty easy.

So what are my plans, you ask? LAUNDRY. And tv. And maybe some napping. With the bonus of my husband's company. It's almost as if yesterday never happened.

...almost.

Value-Added

Thelma is notorious for hating car rides. We've carted her to Southern California with us a few times, and she would literally whine the entire way. When she wasn't whining, she would turn her back and ignore us completely.

Pouting

Car rides only got worse when Wynn came into the picture. She picked up on the whining game real quick. ...So yeah. Volume is our friend.

But we took the pups for their first ride in the new truck this weekend, and the whining was gone! (Well, mostly).

This new discovery has got to be my FAVORITE feature.

An Early April Fool's

On behalf of Matt and myself, I would like to thank the IRS for officially scaring the crap out of us.

After I posted last night, I started googling all of the reasons why the IRS might send you a certified letter. And in sum, any and all certified letters can be considered bad. Very, very bad.

But what I want to know is how the IRS messes up and sends these evil documents to the wrong address. April Fool's came a bit early for us this year, it seems...

Nice way to end your day...

Matt and I came home to a notice of a certified letter waiting for us at the Post Office. From the IRS. This can't be good news.

Evening Wear

Every single day when I get home, I change into my after-work "uniform". I don't care that I'm not presentable if ever a knock comes at the door. I am concerned with my comfort, and my comfort alone. In fact, this habit is not unique to nights after work. Yep, I can and will don these for a full day at a time if priorities permit.

...I got these in Vegas when we went to see LOVE, and they've fast become my favorite article of clothing. To be honest, at first I was hesitant to wear them because of their souvenir status and because they have The Beatles' Yellow Submarines all over them. But that's kind of like buying candles to look at and not burn.

SO Excited!

Usually, we're advised not make a decision if we haven't shopped around... Well, Matt and I have been internet-browsing for months and months now. Does that count?

Yesterday we made a trip down to San Fran to take a look at a car we found on the net. It happened to be the first car we looked at and the first car we bought!

!!!!!!

If it's Broken, Move On

So the moment of truth has arrived. Matt's Jeep brakes needed replacing, plus he wanted to get that pesky, random power off problem looked into.

The mechanic's verdict? Our beloved junk-of-Jeep is toast. Not even worth a brake pad replacement.

So after work today, Matt and I will be hitting the pavement in search of our next chariot. This will be the first car that Matt and I have ever purchased together and there's definitely been some difference in opinion regarding which vehicle we'll ultimately be selecting... Me? I've been a steady Nitro since I saw one for the first time in a parking lot. Matt? ALL OVER THE BOARD. So, needless to say, it's made things..... Interesting.

The one thing we can agree on (now) is an SUV. We have two 60-lb. mutts and a lot of snowboarding to do, so 4wd is a must and then there's 'how are we going to tow all the big stuff you buy at Lowe's home'? Certainly not on the roof of a sedan. ...Now it's which SUV. And it's not as easy as it sounds.

On the flip, the only down side to acquiring something new and shiny, is that it may slightly dip into the vacation savings we were SO excited about. It's a possibility that Fiji will be out of our reach this year, and we're now looking at the more affordable all-inclusive resorts in Mexico or the Caribbean. But time will tell. It's a possibility our paradise-laden trip will be scrapped for good. Sometimes priorities suck.

New and Shiny report developing...

It's True!

No Doubt is touring again! They happen to be playing at this cool little venue in the sticks about 30 minutes north of us... AND WE GOT TICKETS!!

I am thoroughly excited if you can't tell.

...Now I just have to practice some patience and wait it out until July... Which wouldn't be a problem if patience and I got along a little better.

I’ll Believe It When I See It

I am thoroughly excited about the prospect of Spring being right around the corner. Well, technically it’s here, but until rain is fully off the forecast, I’m not convinced.

Northern Californians will tell you that we need the rain. And they’re right. But can’t we strike a deal with the rain gods to handle their business during sleep hours only?

The World is Our Oyster Syndrome

So Matt and I are determined to get the F out of Dodge at some point this year. We're looking at half way around the world as a prospect, but to be honest, we are are being so indecisive. Suffice it to say, we have a good 7 months to plan, but that's not the point... There are so many beautiful, gorgeous, (recommended) places to choose from. I've come to call our lack of direction "The World is Our Oyster Syndrome". Certainly not a bad ailment to suffer from, I know.

Fiji is at the top of the list. We actually Amazon'd a book about it because outside of it being a "tropical paradise", we really don't know much more.

But then there's New York and DC, both of which Matt hasn't seen. And what about the Caribbean? We've never even been to Florida, let alone the surrounding islands.

We thought about a cruise... I think I finally convinced Matt that a trip to Mexico might be a good idea. This was no easy task.....

The only experience Matt's had with Mexico is the time we were in San Diego and we had 4 hours to kill before heading home. So it was my bright idea to take a trip across the border so we could grab a margarita in Tijuana, you know, for the cultural experience. So crossing the border was fine, but once we got into to Tijuana and Matt started experiencing Mexico's finest, driving like we were in a bumper car cage - He sort of freaked. ...I remember there was this one round-about, where in America there would be actual lanes, but not in Mexico. No, that would be too logical... And without lanes, it was a free for all. Every man for himself. We were being cut off left and right and could practically feel the wind the car next to us created as they squeaked by at 45mph. Needless to say, our TJ moment was kind of ruined. I don't think we stepped foot outside the car because it took us so long to actually find downtown through all the traffic. ...And the topper - We turn to leave and end up sitting in a 4-hour line to get back to America. The only highlight were all the people running up and down the lines selling sombreros.

...So my point is... For Matt to even consider giving the border another shot is a miracle.

I digress. Spain, New Zealand, Brazil, London, Morroco? ...Suggestions anyone?

Time to Go Shopping

Now, I can't be sure of today because Matt is not home from work yet... But his car has been breaking down on him once a day for about 3 days running. He'll be sitting at a stop light and the damn thing will power off and then start up fine.

Over the past two years of us not having a payment on his Jeep, I keep insisting that we make up for those payments in repairs. It's a '98, so it's got some wear but I think he has finally managed to run the piece into the ground. For instance: His engine fan is hardwired because it wouldn't run otherwise... This may explain why he overheats at least twice a week in the summertime... Or it could be the cracked radiator. At one point his steering wheel had to be "tightened up", because it came so loose it was unsafe to drive. I won't even get into the strobe lights Matt's brake lights have become.

We got to laughing the other day when we were discussing some errands we need to run over the weekend, and a new car suddenly became a consideration. Who knows? Maybe it will last another couple of months. But one thing's for sure... Matt won't be spending money on another vehicle until this one is rendered useless.

Slip Away

Matt's band spent last winter recording, and it's been a long time coming for them to officially release their work.

Out of three, Slip Away is my favorite...

If you're interested in hearing more, visit their iTunes set up.

Change You Want to See

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Working This Weekend

Can I complain? I know I'm not alone in this world, but these six-day weeks are not exactly my cup of tea. There are many things I value in life, but you can consider all the time I spend NOT working a list-topper.

On the up side, Matt and I have started to plan our 2nd anniversary getaway. We're having a bit of trouble narrowing down the destination... It's really dependent on whether we want the "adventure" type of vaca or the "be as lazy as possible for a week straight" type. I'm kind of leaning toward the latter, but that's no surprise.

Married two years in June! Time really does fly... And I've noticed recently that the old you get, the faster it flies. ...Bummer.

25 Things

'bout me...

1. The first thing I do when I get home from work is change into my pjs.
2. I've been married to my best friend for over a year and a half.
3. I am extremely protective of my family and friends. Even when they don't need me to be.
4. I didn't work for 6 months last year.
5. I used to want a mechanical bull in my backyard.
6. Thelma and Wynn are like my living stuffed animals. Except they spar and grunt and need to be fed. Other than that, they are the most adorable, cuddly, always-there-for-me, sweetest, softest little bitches in the world.
7. Technically, it's illegal for me to drive without glasses.
8. I love my "Grey's Girls". I love the fact that none of us has this catty or competitive nature. I love that we all love to laugh. I love that whenever we get together, wine is always the theme. I love that any topic is not off limits. I love the parties we throw. I love the road trips and the cabins and maybe not so much the camping. I really love that we all genuinely care about each other, and if any one of us needed anything at any given time, I truly believe that we'd drop anything to be there.
9. My favorite show (currently) is Dexter. I highly recommend it. ...Other shows I love are Grey's, The Office, Eli Stone, Weeds, and Mad Men.
10. I am 26 and that kind of scares me, even though I know that it shouldn't.
11. We bought a home two Novembers ago... I painted and decorated it myself, and found my passion for interior design in the process.
12. I want to get into Property Management as a career. Or, maybe think of it more as Property Ownership. And Tahoe Cabinship.
13. I love my bed. In fact, I'm laying in it right now.
14. My family lives in Southern California. And everybody says that it's a short trip between Nor Cal and So Cal, but I disagree. A twelve hour (round) road trip does not equal a weekend stay. So yeah, I miss them.
15. I've picked up the habit of cussing like a sailor lately.
16. My husband built me a shoe rack and he makes me gourmet dinners and gives me foot rubs and helps me clean and he plays bass in a pretty sick band and he drives because he knows I hate driving and he knows when to hold me just by the look on my face and he makes me laugh every single day. If there was a word that was bigger than love, I'd use it here...
17. I have a neurological disorder. It causes a dull ache in my legs. Nothing serious - just kind of sucks.
18. I'd really love to see London.
19. I have two tattoos. One is discrete. The other - not so much.
20. I love new things. I love the process of taking tags off or ripping off the packaging. ...It could be new boots from Nordstroms or a dog bone. If it's new, it's all exciting and it's all the same.
21. I hate unpacking. In fact, after I come back from vacation, I practically live out of a suitcase for another week. At least.
22. I tend to be gullible.
23. I prefer email/texting to actually talking on the phone.
24. I need at least one day a week off just to veg. Just to lay around the house and relax, catch up on my shows, do stupid things like fill out surveys, and take my mind off all things stressful.
25. I love photography. Both looking at it and doing it. It actually bums me out when I see a beautiful shot and I don't have a camera on me.

Every Girl Loves...

...her husband.

Business of Gossip

My guilty pleasure for the longest time was gossip magazines... I was never proud of my habit, but I would rack up at least two a week. This didn't include the three websites I visited regularly. Hourly. ...As I said, I'm not proud.

I knew everything there was to know about which celebrity had what plastic surgery done that week, or what a terrible outfit another chose. Who broke up, who overdosed. It was my way of relaxing... Giving my brain a rest by indulging in pictures and big print and the most outlandish breaking news that even I couldn't dream up.

Perhaps surprisingly, I think it's horrible that the paparazzi invade the privacy of these celebrities. The argument is, "they chose this career", but where's the line? Celebrities' rights are vague, if not entirely useless...The business of photographing celebrities is depraved and desperate. And with every magazine and every click of the mouse or remote, I was investing in that business.

Suffice it to say, that I was not the reason I forwent my habit. The honest truth is, the need to know somehow disappeared one day.

Today I was like 4 months sober..... Until I fell victim to a headline at the store.

But I just opened page one, and I'm bored already.

EQ

I heard today that something called your "Emotional Quotient" can be a determinant in your success, both personally and professionally.

"EQ" can be described as an emotional intelligence... The ability to effectively understand oneself and others and to relate well to people by adapting to and coping with your immediate surroundings.*

I find it well within people that speak their minds. Maybe not so much the "unfiltered"... But in the ones that express thoughts and ideas without injecting the emotion they're influenced by at the moment.

I find it in the ones that have lived an experience and choose to extract truths and facts instead of perceptions and assumptions.

And because this is a talent I so duly respect, I am making it my goal to keep my emotions in check... To focus on the many great things my experiences are here to teach me.

...Although, I get the feeling that no matter how hard I try, logic and reason will never quietly stand alone...


*Wiki

The Pit

So I've been out of training for about for about two weeks now. And I have to say, this will probably be the first close-to-positive thing I write about this place.

I actually had some slight training not too long ago to finish up, and the girl I trained with mused about how she missed the conference room we spent six and half weeks in. ...She then asked if I missed it too. That was a big, fat "nope".

I'm on the phones, which I thought I'd hate. But with a lead bank, it's not so bad... I had eight prospects scheduled last week. Five showed... And thankfully, because with just those five I was worn the F out.

My boss has kept in step with his micro-managing ways by setting outlandish expectations, along with weekly reports to rub salt in the wound. But now that I'm out of the "boiler room" and in "the pit", his hovering is not quite so frequent. And he might just have won a few points by loaning me Step Brothers and nailing a nerf-ball basketball hoop to the rep room door.

Out with the old....

So I didn't mention the tragedy that took place on the mountain while snowboarding a few posts back.

...It wasn't when I collided head-on with Matt, knocking him to the ground and dragging my shin across the edge of his board in the process. Or the many spills I took after not riding in two years. Nope.....

It was when my beloved camera, the one that has gotten me through the past four years, and the one that I've taken most, if not ALL of my best pictures with, up and stopped working. Mid-mountain.

I sat in the snow for ten minutes, pressing buttons... Perplexed. I mean, this thing was a brick. It had been through far worse that a little snow on the surface.

So yeah, maybe its four-year-old technology, size and weight basically likened it to Zack Morris's cell phone. But I'm a loyal and stubborn, and damnit... This camera took THE best, most consistent photos. And she is now laid to rest.

...Now I may be loyal, but I'm also addicted to all things shiny and new. It took about 24 hours before she was replaced because me without a camera might as well be me without lungs. (Dramatic? No....)

Check out my new toy!......Perhaps I move on rather quickly. But isn't she pretty??